As you may well know by now, I ride the train to work. It’s about 12 hours a week of boredom, pain, hilarity, politics, carriage hierarchy, subtle nose picking and incessant, claimless farting. One commute in particular found me seated next to my mate, Matt, (fart free thank goodness). After traditionally archaic tales of old and tails of old, conversation turned to what we thought would make the ultimate train.
The predicted folly of pool tables, roulette tables, bars and bowling lanes were strewn about our conversation like popped balloons on the colourfully littered floor of a combat clown massacre. It’s now apparent to me that those plain white bread ideas were the necessary blouse and bra we had to tear off to get to the potentially noble prize winning idea. Boobs.
You see, the train I take has a seating plan very similar to that of a bus or plane. Rows and rows of seats, where you’re staring at the back of the seat in front of you, carefully watching the dust mites make a break for it from the person’s scalp sitting in said seat.
But back to the boobs, (always back to the boobs). The idea was a little out of this world but I think it would teach us valuable skills to helps us, as individuals, work together. It was decided that every single seat of the train would have a set of luscious breasts hanging from the seat in front. Yes. That’s right. It’s proposed that the train is not powered by the engine, but actually by all the passengers leaning forward and motor-boating the swinging breasts in front of them in unison. The more vigorous the motor-boating, the faster the train goes. The details pertaining to sanitisation, excess slobber, the decrease in women wanting to ride the train and the dramatic increase of men with no destination in particular wanting to ride the train all day, have yet to be worked out.
But just picture it would you. You’re in your car, parked behind the boom gate at the railway crossing… and 4 carriages of people all motor-boating a set of fun bags idle past you in eerie awesomeness.
motor-boating explained:
(there was an idea for a train tailored towards women, but it got messy and was swiftly abandoned)
sometimes?
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