Shane Butler Users Manual

Shane Butler
Model# 1978

Congratulations on your recent acquisition of Shane Butler’s friendship. We here at Evolution Industries, (Butler Subconscious Division), are proud to present to you the finest in friendship technology. The following is a guide to assist you in getting full enjoyment and satisfaction from the Shane Butler (model#1978).

Contents:
§ Getting to know your Friendbot
§ Tips & Tricks (basic)
§ Tips & Tricks (advanced)
§ Tips & Tricks (Criminal)
§ Maintenance & Repair
§ Friendbot FAQs

Getting to know your FriendBot

It’s important to understand, your Shane Butler#1978 is not just for Christmas, he’s forever. Or until such time he grows bored of you and abandons you during a shared taxi ride, leaving you to pick up the full fare. Apart from demonstrating basic human courtesy, there’s really only one simple rule when interacting with your Friendbot.

**Do not, under any circumstances, point out that he looks like a bigger version of that drummer from ‘Hanson’.**

Tips & Tricks: Basic

The Shane Butler is delivered with a wide range of default programming. For instance, he is pre-programmed to pee in the toilet and not on your house cat. Technology like this should make your transition into friendship with your Friendbot a whole lot easier.

Tips & Tricks: Advanced

For the advanced user, you can customize the default programming to your liking. For instance, you like your house cat to be coated in piss. Then simply click on his tool, then options, then uncheck the box behind his scrotum marked “do not pee on house cat”.

Tips & Tricks: Criminal

In case you haven’t noticed, your Shane Butler is huge. Let’s say you like the handbag that woman at Gloria Jeans Coffee is carrying. Let’s say you want it. Simply right click on Extras. Then select Remorseless Mugging from the dropdown box. Other items in this list include, but are not limited to: Hug a Nanna, Steal an Ice Cream, Compliment a Minority and the popular Head butt an Emo.

Maintenance & Repair

With the Shane Butler#1978, maintenance is as easy as 1, 2, 3.
1. Buy a bottle of scotch
2. Throw away the cap
3. Hand said bottle to the Shane Butler
Compared with previous units, repair has been made even easier by following this 1 step.
1. Keep the receipt.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. My Shane Butler won’t shut up about everything. What do I do?
A. Do not anger him. Things will get immeasurably worse.

Q. My Shane Butler is coming on to me. Advice?
A. He’s clearly mistaken you for a crack whore. Stop wearing the tarty clothes and lose the habit!

Q. My Shane is often missing for days, he’s in constant maintenance and offers little or no emotional support.
A. Congratulations! You have a perfectly functioning Shane Butler that will degrade then neglect you for many fulfilling years of depravity to come! (or at least until that doom ridden taxi ride. *see Getting to know your FriendBot)

Evolution Industries would like to take this opportunity to thank you on your recent acquisition of the Shane Butler#1978… but we won’t.

Support:
Phone: 1900-NOTLISTENING
Email: hesyourproblemnow@evolutionindustriesdoesntexist.com.org.net.gov.edu.heyyou.au
Alternatively, you could go fax yourself.